I am a very very tired little lady, and I mean that literally. I'm just over 5'1...most times I say 5'1 and a half....or if someone is conducting a BMI analysis on me, then i'm 5'2. And I am indeed tired.

Yesterday was a bit of a flop. I was supposed to cook the Jerk Tilapia with Rice Pilaf and Asparagus. It didn't happen. This whole planning ahead, and timing thing is getting the better of me. I am trying to make sure that I have enough time to make dinner, before we head out the door to in t-ball. Our digesting on Tuesdays and Thursdays take place in folding chairs, squinting into the evening sun, and making small talk with other parents.

Needless to say, we ate the pasta leftovers from Sunday (which were still delicious, AND gobbled up by the kids) and I vowed to cook the Jerk out of the fish today.

And, here we are...yes there is fish in my belly, partying it up with the asparagus and rice. Looking back, this is a meal that I never would have had 6 years ago (apart from the asparagus, i've always had a mushy love for asparagus). You see, I had a thing about rice. I can't believe i'm going to admit this, because it's fairly embarrasing.

I didn't eat rice for over 15 years because of The Lost Boys movie.

You read it right, a movie had that much impact on my otherwise take-it-or-leave-it attitude I had with rice. In the movie, Keifer Sutherland, asks the Billy character how he likes the maggots he's eating. Billy looks down, and the rice he thought he was eating turned into maggots by the evilness of the vampire folk. It was such a quick shot, but it stayed with me way too long. I had to force myself to try it again, and thank God I did, because then I wouldn't have attempted to eat sushi.

As for the fish. Shamefacedly, I have to tell you, mes amies, I only ate half of the tilapia. Although it's mild, there is just something about the texture still. I don't enjoy it, but I keep trying it with the hope that someday, by some crazy miracle, I will grow to love it. So far, no miracles, but at least I don't gag anymore when attempting to swallow fish.

Hannah and Nicholas ate lean hamburgers without buns. I couldn't force them to eat the fish. I was forced to eat liver once, and I threw up on it. One of my finest moments.

The kids haven't liked fish thus far, and i'm not going to push it. They like all other forms of protein, so it's not necessary. Hannah has even learned that the meat she eats is the animals that she has played with at a farm we visited. She said that she likes pigs....they taste good. Hysterical. I personally never touched veal when I found out it was a baby cow. It seemed wrong somehow. So, yes, another food item that will not make it into my meals.

With that said, I do think some beef would be good for tomorrow night. Steak, perhaps? Let's wait and see!

Inspiration....at long long last!

I have been reading Julie and Julia, and I have become slightly obsessed with Julie. Yes, Julie Powell, not Julia Child. We have a few things in common. We are the same age (she is a Taurus, so she is slightly older than this Gemini), we both have a love for food, we both have aspirations to be writers (and, although my obsession is new, I believe her post-secondary education involved becoming a writer...i'll get back to you on that one), and we both have had to stop and think about what we want to do with our lives. Okay, it's not like we're kindred spirits, but it was enough for me to sit down, and get back to my blog. I don't know if anyone will read it, but I am happy enough to write again.

So, thanks Julie Powell, for the inspiration.

Now, what to blog about. Well....obviously Eating Clean. It's what I started this for. Originally it started because of the show I bullied my family into doing...Tosca: Flexing at 49. I learned a lot from filming, and from Tosca herself. So much was not aired, and i'm perfectly fine with that. I looked like a big blob, and it was hard to watch.

The one thing that was emphasized, which i'm glad about, is the fact that I am an emotional overeater. A disease? Perhaps. The jury is still out on that one, and i'm not totally convinced. However, I do LOOOOOOOOOVEEEEE.....even, lurve, food. Is that so wrong? Well, yes, actually, it is. I tend to take my love for food to new levels. I can go weeks, even months, eating properly, and losing weight and feeling good about myself, then BAM! I throw it all away for gooey pizza, or chips. Then the downward spiral towards small binging and self-hatred begins. It's a bit sad, I know, but perhaps writing about it will be my final cure! Ha! We shall see.

So, back to Eating Clean (yes, it's that important that it should be capitalized). Eating Clean is hard. Sorry Tosca, I really am, but it's one of the hardest things i've ever done. BUT...I do believe my horribly bad cooking skills, coupled with my impatience while waiting for food to cook, put a stopper into my otherwise good-intentions. Another downfall that I will try to change...(ohhh, "change" I hate that word...how about "modify") is my undeniable lack of being able to plan ahead. If you fail to plan, you plan to fail...and all that jargon that makes one feel bad for being a terminal procratisinator.

I also hate waiting. I'm always hungry when I cook, and waiting 45 minutes for chicken kills me. I end up snacking, and then not hungry by the time the said meal is ready. I eat it regardless of my almost-full stomach, because I need to show the kids that the food is edible, so they will eat it.

Most meals I cook end up in the fridge, with a quarter eaten at mealtime. Then it grows mold, and then it visits the Green Bin for it's journey to the recycling centre. Or the dump. Rumour does have it that our Green Bin stuffs actually aren't composted, but just put in with the garbage. It's a rumour....I didn't start it.....must look into that later.

Julie Powell actually had a love, or at least like, for cooking when she embarked on her Julie/Julia Project. I, however, hate cooking, and fully intend on learning to like it. For my family's sake. No more fast food (even Clean fast food....and I have found several places to buy Clean(ish) fast food). I will be cooking at least one meal a day from Tosca's Eat Clean Diet Cookbook only. It's a huge undertaking for me...so please bear with me if I swear a lot.

I still have over 40 pounds to lost (I have lost 55), and this little project should help with that too. Day One starts tomorrow, Sunday August 8, 2009. Wish me luck!

Trying Again!!

Oh my! I have been having some major problems trying to post to my blog. But I think I have it this time!

Anyhow, today I decided to look for some recent and not-so-recent pictures of me. Almost a before and after. It literally took me an hour to find the "before" picture posted below. The reason? Well, like many overweight women, I don't like the way I look. Therefore, I am always behind the lens (I am a photographer after all), or i'm being goofy and giving a fake smile to the camera. More often than not, I delete all photos of me. Again...it took me an hour to find one picture of me on our computer. This one must have slipped by my delete-happy finger.

So here it is, an almost full length picture of me, at my heaviest, taken in March of this year. It really brings to perspective just why I chose to change our lives by following the Eat Clean Diet. I have had many ups and downs, but the fact is that I am down 39 pounds since this photo was taken, and 24 pounds down since starting to Eat Clean. I was able to lose 15 pounds somewhere along the line from March to September, by doing bits of cardio here and there at the gym. But the 24 pounds is from September to December is all from eating clean. 15 pounds in 6 months, versus 24 pounds in three months....i'm no mathematician here, but I think eating clean is the way to go!





Here is the picture I took of myself today. It's a raw photo, which is what I wanted. It's me, without makeup, without a fancy hairdo, and just using a small flash. It's as real as I could get it. I'm wearing spandex...yikes, and not much on top. I was going to do a sports bra, but this is as brave as I could get. I couldn't get the same angle, as all my photography equipment was out in the garage, and it's cold out, and I wasn't changing again! HA! So, this was done without a tripod, and the photo above has the better angle...believe it or not. So again, it's a raw photo that I took of me today, and i'm proud that I posted it. It will be great to compare it to my future sexy photos!!

I'm still not liking the way that I look, but I do think that I look better. Most importantly, I feel better. I have an appointment with my doctor at the end of January, and i'm hoping to get more tests done and get off all medication!! Wish me luck!